To Get You Through
by absent-mindedly
Summary: How long can you live, without really being alive? And how long can you control the longing, before it starts to control you?


She didn't know how long she had been staring at the ceiling without really thinking about anything at all. There was nothing to think about, and yet so many questions. So many unanswered questions, actions and decisions that were just waiting for her to be sorted out. But she was tired. She was tired of it all, and in those moments she had with herself, that once had the power to calm her down, now just made everything worse. In those silent moment, thoughts were threatening to make her head feel like exploding.

"Elena!"

The voice seemed to come from far away and she couldn't bring herself to make any sound or movement at all. If she was being honest, she didn't even want to. She was growing tired of even hearing her name being called out by someone. It always only meant that something bad was going to happen or already had.

"Elena! Please...", the voice pleaded, sounding a bit more desperate than before. And that's when Elena recognised the voice as a very familiar one.

"Jeremy!" It hit her like lightning and she didn't care that she almost stumbled over her own feet while trying to leave the bed and her room. Didn't care for the lump in her throat or the stiffness that she felt like was trying to stop her from breathing. All she cared about was getting to her brother as fast as she could, before anything could happen. Before anything would happen. If it hadn't already.

The moment she caught sight of him holding both hands to his throat while blood was dripping from his neck at a steady pace, she felt like the stiffness had overcome her and she would fall to the ground any moment. She couldn't feel her legs while running to him, couldn't muster the strength to swallow and she couldn't blink, because she was too scared to.

"Jeremy, what...what...how," she started, stumbling over her own words.

"Seems like you'll be able to add another name to that list of yours, 'dead people I couldn't save because I was too helpless.'"

Elena swung around, just to look straight into the vision of her own eyes. Only it weren't hers. And the cold that seemed to radiate off of them made sure that it could never be hers.

"Katherine... what.. what have you done to him?" Her voice came out a lot stronger than she felt herself.

"The question is not what _I_ have done." She sounded like she would burst out into laughter any second and it made Elena feel that much more terrified and numb. Yes, numb. That was what she felt like, because all of this couldn't possibly be happening.

"Oh, don't look at me like that," she sneered, forming her mouth into a slight pout. "I know you see me as the big, bad Katherine who just hurts and kills people for fun. But I don't. Well, not most of the times anyway." she stated, her pout much more like a smile now. "This time, it's all on you, my dear Elena."

She felt Jeremy stir beneath her hands, that she had entwined with his by now, barely able to do anything else. Mentally she was already at war with herself, remembering all the times she had already failed him and now she was too late once again. She repeated those two words in her head over and over again. 'Too late.' It was like she couldn't think of anything else.

"What do you mean it's all on me? What could I have possibly done to cause this?" She was screaming now, trying to keep her voice from breaking. "Just tell me! And make this stop, help him, or I swear I will-"

Katherine had her pinned to the wall in seconds. "Or you will what?" The tight grip she had on her throat, made it almost impossible for Elena to breathe. "I suggest you leave your pathetic threats to yourself and accept that all of this is your fault. _All _of it. Everyone seems to slowly fade out of your life, and you know why that is? Because all you are capable of is causing pain and trouble to those nearest to you. That is _all _you're capable of. And your brother right here? He called for me, tried to make me understand that all he wanted to do was _die._ Before he died sooner or later anyway. But I understood from the beginning. Because you are nothing. _Nothing._ And you're not worth any of it."

Elena didn't even notice the tears that were falling from her eyes ever so slowly. She turned to look at Jeremy and what she saw made the blood in her veins run cold. He was looking at her. Not just looking, but _smiling._ As if he was supporting everything Katherine just said. And she felt panic suddenly shooting through her as everything started to fade before her eyes.

"See what is happening to you?", she heard Katherine mumble, but it was as if she weren't in her presence anymore. "You may be able to escape now, but it will not change anything. It won't change what you are! You're nothing, Elena Gilbert! Noth-"

Elena shot up from her bed, blinking rapidly and trying to adjust to her surroundings, prepared for Katherine to appear any second. But she didn't. She never did. The only sound in the room now, was the rain, pouring daggers into the windows. And that's when she remembered Jeremy's face again. It scared her more than she would admit and she wished to never fall asleep again. Because no matter how tired she was, this was worse. She'd been having nightmares for weeks now and they didn't seem to stop. But it had never been this vivid. Never this clear, and never about her directly. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to block out any image or sound that was now apparent in her head and mind. She thought of Stefan and where he might be at this moment. Was he even thinking about her anymore? And if not, what _was_ he thinking about? Was he even still the Stefan that she remembered? The questions were building up inside her, making her feel slightly panicked again. The nights always seemed harder when she was sleeping in her own room, in her own house. But she felt like she needed to do it. For Jeremy. The thought of him sent chills down her spine again and she hated herself for even dreaming about him that way. Now she was never going to forget the devilish smile that he gave her, right before Katherine- No. She got up from the bed, refusing to think any further. After slowly slipping into the hall, she opened the door to Jeremy's room just an inch. He was laying on the bed, almost in the same position as he was the night before. It became a routine for her to check on him, even more now than before. He was all she had left. Well, him and Damon. Thinking about him always made her feel calm and secure, even though she would never admit that to him. Since Stefan was gone, he was the one to make her laugh, he was the one to protect her. He was the one that assured her they would find Stefan, no matter what it took. And not just now, she thought. He had _always _been the one to make her laugh and feel like herself again, without really trying. It was just who he was. Or who she made him be.

And with that, she knew where she had to go next.


End file.
